Thanks to Wild Divine for sharing this.  It saddens me to see criticism so prevalent in our workplaces.  It is not coincidental that a majority of workplace cultures consist of complaining, negativity, and low energy.  Here's to celebrating the ordinary!  Thanks, Nissim!

Criticism
by Nissim Amon 

A coral reef is a place full of life and vibrant colour, where hundreds of different species of fish and plants live free of the need to criticize each other. Although an immense variety of life exists there, every plant knows its place and each and every fish knows exactly where it belongs. Once in a while a human diver appears with a mask and air-tanks, and like everybody else down there, he is not critical either. The diver enjoys being a visitor to the underwater world, observing the richness and beauty of Nature without judgment.
 
Things change the moment the diver steps out of the water and back onto dry land. Dry land accommodates an infinite variety of humans, humans however seem to have innumerable opinions about each other, so the game of criticizing one another, is one of their most favourite pastimes.
 
On the human reef, we sit on small balconies, observe our neighbours and complain: the octopus is a mess, the crab is an idiot, the jellyfish is spineless, the silver fish is obsessed with glamour, the eel is too slippery, and all the shallow water fish are limited and without depth. This takes place, in every house, in every city, all over the world.
 
Criticism is so widely spread that some consider it the ultimate social skill and are constantly polishing their expertise. They are unaware that the stronger the stream of criticism flows, the further happiness drifts away....

Two thousand five hundred years ago, the Buddha gave a small discourse on criticism. He said that while it is easy to observe and point out other people's faults, it is extremely difficult to see one's own. He also said that most people hide their faults, like a dishonest gambler hides unlucky cards. The Bedouins of the desert have a similar saying – A camel cannot see his own hump!
 
So how can we see our own humps? To solve this riddle we must realize that we are not able to criticize our own humps, because the hump is the very place where criticism comes from.
 
When we discover "what is wrong" with other people, we criticize them, but this criticism is entirely of our own fabrication, and it has nothing much to do with the people themselves. Our shortcomings, flaws and negativity are a reflection or projection of ourselves on others. Our hump is what criticizes other people for having a bigger hump.
 
This inner voice, residing in our transparent hump, guarantees its survival thanks to the satisfying feeling we get from patronizing others. It specializes in finding their faults and feeds off the elation the feeling of superiority gives us.
 
If we lack a sense of self-worth, criticism becomes our way of avoiding self-examination. Becoming aware of this is an important step in the right direction.
 
The next step is to have the courage and fortitude to remove the hump and consciously rid our lives of obsessive criticism. Not only must one decide to do this, which is a huge step in itself, it is imperative to constantly remind ourselves not to falter on this decision. Try writing yourself little notes and stick them on all the mirrors in your house, make it a conscious effort - because it is so very easy to go back to criticizing everything again.
 
Your hump has a knack of playing tricks on you by telling you that you have a good sense of self-criticism, don’t be deceived by this. It is a very common deception. All forms of criticism come from the same hump....
 
When the positive spotlight is turned within it has nothing whatsoever to do with condemnation, disapproval or judgement. When YOU look inside of yourself, it is called wakefulness, mindfulness and awareness, not criticism.
 
The realization that you are neither superior nor inferior to anyone is a very high spiritual achievement. When this understanding is no longer purely intellectual but goes to the deepest level of your heart, it will give you the freedom that you seek, and also allow you the freedom of letting everyone else, be exactly who they are and whatever they choose to be.
 
The person who doesn't feel he is superior behaves without pretension and one who knows that he is not inferior feels no fear. 


"One hundred percent ordinary,
Is extra-ordinary.
From moment to moment,
Without judgement,
The truth we seek is reality itself."

-Nissim Amon

Recently, I've been putting much thought into the impact of "expertise" in healthcare.  As a leadership and physician leadership coach, I very often work with my clients on their habit of problem solving, knowing "the" right answer, judgment, and intellect. 

In my personal journey in dealing with my husband's life-threatening brain disorder, I find myself torn between wanting to look to my physicians for "expertise" and "hope," while also being aware of the limitations of medicine and my need to define my own reality... my own story.

It is an interesting perspective to be a consumer of healthcare and practitioner within healthcare at the same time.  I've been reading, with avid interest, the differences between the medical model and patient-centered model, as defined within "Escape Fire's" movie and facebook page (that is where all the "expert information" is, right??). As the authors describe, the patient-centered model  requires a shift from "physician dominant," to "physician collaborates:"  From "care is disease-centered," to "care is quality of life centered;"  From "physician does most of the talking" to "physician listens more and talks less." 

As I read various related literature, like "The Four Habits" that was created by the great folks at Kaiser Permanente, I think about tools that help shift this paradigm.  As they describe,  The Four Habits are: Invest in the Beginning, Elicit the Patient's Perspective, Demonstrate Empathy, and Invest in the End. The goals of the Four Habits are to establish rapport and build trust rapidly, facilitate the effective exchange of information, demonstrate caring and concern, and increase the likelihood of adherence and positive health outcomes.  What I find fascinating about this model is that it parallels the framework of a coaching model perfectly! 

In coaching, the client is the expert, holding all the wisdom, strength and courage that a capable, wise, and powerful being possesses.  A table succinctly describes the four habits and associated skills:  "elicit patient concerns;" "ask for the patient's ideas;" "be open to patient's emotions;" and in "investing in the end," "deliver education and diagnostic information and then involve the patient in the decision making process."  It reminds me of a dance that is more of an interplay between leader and follower with those roles being flexible and dynamic, rather than fixed and unchanging.

All of this requires a perspective that is quite different from doctor, or nurse, or any other discipline as "expert."  It requires a vulnerability that allows us to say: "I don't know everything" and most importantly, I don't know what matters most to my patient.  Therefore, while my breath and depth of knowledge is vital, I'm also a learner along this journey of wellness with my patient/ client.  Now there's a thought!  What impact would it make if we were to start labeling the "patient" "client?"  Better yet, how about "health partner?"  Whatever term would convey the essence of each individual's wisdom and insight to direct their own health, and their own wellness, even if that includes dying.

There are two resources I use repeatedly in my work with clients: Marilee Adams' "Change Your Questions, Change Your Life," and David Emerald's "The Power of TED."  Ms. Adams describes her simple, yet powerful "Choice Map," which helps the reader consider a shift in perspective from judger to learner.  It requires us to recognize when we are making judgments about others (which she describes as landing us in the pits) and intentionally shifting that perspective to one of learning and desired outcomes.  It's less about blame and who's right or wrong, and more of "what do we want, what assumptions am I making, and what are the options open to us?"

Mr. Emerald describes the empowerment dynamic as moving from victim to creator.  As a creator, I have choices in how I deal with life's challenges, and I can seek the help of coaches who can appropriately challenge me to discover my wisdom and help me move toward health and success.

Can we make that shift in healthcare?  Can we use our great strength in problem solving and science/ medicine, while also making room for art in more fully engaging our health partner on their journey to wellness?  Can we notice and abandon our own egos and judgments, in service to the patient?  I, for one, would love to be part of that journey!

I welcome your perspective!

I am an Iron Girl!

August 19th was a cool, partly sunny day in Columbia, MD and close to 2,000 women and their guests showed up at 5:15am to get ready to participate in the Iron Girl Triathlon.  Our bodies were marked with our race number and our age (yes... no hiding from public scrutiny, or the pressure of possibly seeing those older than us surpassing us in the race!).  Team Fight, supporting the Ulman Cancer Fund, hosted a dedication circle where 100 women held hands at sunrise and declared for whom they were racing.  I had the privilege of announcing my race in honor of my husband, and my two fellow Iron Girl buddies.  I will admit to having tears in my eyes when my husband ceased his "official photographer" duties, and came behind me to put his hand on my shoulder.  If you've read my prior postings, you know that a life threatening brain disorder could have easily prevented him from being with me for the race.

The National Anthem was played and then it was time for the swim to commence!  Three weeks ago, I totally panicked during a dry run at this same lake so I was "a bit" nervous going into the swim, yet felt that I had prepared as much as I could to be successful.  I had my ritual planned which was to "bob in the water" six times (dunk my head and practice breathing) before taking off.  As I did that, my goggles leaked and I feverishly adjusted them as my friend swam off to commence her race.  I re-centered, bobbed again (no leakage) and took off!  Me, and 156 other 50-55 year old women, with the next age group six minutes behind me.  To make a long story short, I spent much more time than during the dry run, using the freestyle than backstroke, and managed to complete the swim in 45 minutes, 25 minutes better than previously!  I went on to complete the 17.5 mile bike ride and 3.4 mile run, and realized my vision of running straight into the arms of my waiting husband.

Amidst the congratulations from friends, I've also been greeted with: "What's next?"  Isn't our culture amazing?  Are we always looking forward to the next "thing" or can we be content, for just a few moments, with staying in the present and savoring what is?  As I rest my pleasantly tired body, and reflect on the journey, I am so grateful to be part of several communities:  the community of "Iron Girls;" the community of Team Fight;" and the community of women who summoned the courage, passion, purpose, discipline, and fortitude to say: "I can do this," and achieved their goal.  We put in the time; we endured the pain and discomfort; we asked for help; we embraced the loving support of our friends and family; we admitted to being "beginners" and learned whatever was needed in technique to endure with minimal injury; we set a vision and we achieved it. 

Many, including myself, initially looked at other triathletes and said: "Not me.... I could never do that!"  How many times in life do we say the same thing and prematurely relinquish our dreams in service to our fears?  What are you denying yourself because of self-limiting beliefs?  What's the first step you'd have to take to move toward your goal and what's it worth to you?  I'd love to hear from you!