Thanks to Wild Divine for sharing this.  It saddens me to see criticism so prevalent in our workplaces.  It is not coincidental that a majority of workplace cultures consist of complaining, negativity, and low energy.  Here's to celebrating the ordinary!  Thanks, Nissim!

Criticism
by Nissim Amon 

A coral reef is a place full of life and vibrant colour, where hundreds of different species of fish and plants live free of the need to criticize each other. Although an immense variety of life exists there, every plant knows its place and each and every fish knows exactly where it belongs. Once in a while a human diver appears with a mask and air-tanks, and like everybody else down there, he is not critical either. The diver enjoys being a visitor to the underwater world, observing the richness and beauty of Nature without judgment.
 
Things change the moment the diver steps out of the water and back onto dry land. Dry land accommodates an infinite variety of humans, humans however seem to have innumerable opinions about each other, so the game of criticizing one another, is one of their most favourite pastimes.
 
On the human reef, we sit on small balconies, observe our neighbours and complain: the octopus is a mess, the crab is an idiot, the jellyfish is spineless, the silver fish is obsessed with glamour, the eel is too slippery, and all the shallow water fish are limited and without depth. This takes place, in every house, in every city, all over the world.
 
Criticism is so widely spread that some consider it the ultimate social skill and are constantly polishing their expertise. They are unaware that the stronger the stream of criticism flows, the further happiness drifts away....

Two thousand five hundred years ago, the Buddha gave a small discourse on criticism. He said that while it is easy to observe and point out other people's faults, it is extremely difficult to see one's own. He also said that most people hide their faults, like a dishonest gambler hides unlucky cards. The Bedouins of the desert have a similar saying – A camel cannot see his own hump!
 
So how can we see our own humps? To solve this riddle we must realize that we are not able to criticize our own humps, because the hump is the very place where criticism comes from.
 
When we discover "what is wrong" with other people, we criticize them, but this criticism is entirely of our own fabrication, and it has nothing much to do with the people themselves. Our shortcomings, flaws and negativity are a reflection or projection of ourselves on others. Our hump is what criticizes other people for having a bigger hump.
 
This inner voice, residing in our transparent hump, guarantees its survival thanks to the satisfying feeling we get from patronizing others. It specializes in finding their faults and feeds off the elation the feeling of superiority gives us.
 
If we lack a sense of self-worth, criticism becomes our way of avoiding self-examination. Becoming aware of this is an important step in the right direction.
 
The next step is to have the courage and fortitude to remove the hump and consciously rid our lives of obsessive criticism. Not only must one decide to do this, which is a huge step in itself, it is imperative to constantly remind ourselves not to falter on this decision. Try writing yourself little notes and stick them on all the mirrors in your house, make it a conscious effort - because it is so very easy to go back to criticizing everything again.
 
Your hump has a knack of playing tricks on you by telling you that you have a good sense of self-criticism, don’t be deceived by this. It is a very common deception. All forms of criticism come from the same hump....
 
When the positive spotlight is turned within it has nothing whatsoever to do with condemnation, disapproval or judgement. When YOU look inside of yourself, it is called wakefulness, mindfulness and awareness, not criticism.
 
The realization that you are neither superior nor inferior to anyone is a very high spiritual achievement. When this understanding is no longer purely intellectual but goes to the deepest level of your heart, it will give you the freedom that you seek, and also allow you the freedom of letting everyone else, be exactly who they are and whatever they choose to be.
 
The person who doesn't feel he is superior behaves without pretension and one who knows that he is not inferior feels no fear. 


"One hundred percent ordinary,
Is extra-ordinary.
From moment to moment,
Without judgement,
The truth we seek is reality itself."

-Nissim Amon

Clients often ask me what's the difference between coaching and other disciplines.  They laugh at me when I declare: "I'm not coaching now; I'm consulting."  Their response is often: "I don't care what you're doing.. both are valuable!"


Perhaps so, yet there is a BIG difference, and as I ponder what I think the greatest distinction is, I've decided that what makes coaching unique from all other disciplines is the safety created by our refraining from judgment.

There has been much written about the negative impact of judgment on the brain (see David Rock's work-- particularly as it relates to his SCARF model); or Brene Brown's popular youtube video on The Power of Vulnerability with over 1 million views, and was recently featured on The Oprah Winfrey Network.  Judgment hurts and, to the brain, is received in the same way as if a huge tiger was chasing you!  It causes pain and results in a fight or flight reaction. Why do people get defensive when criticized?  Why do people avoid those who are so adamant about their being right and you being wrong?

I was working with a client recently who had a great deal of emotion around unfulfilled promises in the work setting.  She was promised a promotion that  due to numerous changes at work, didn't happen.  Our work focused around her ultimate goal and what actions would be in service to her goal.  She could remain bitter and angry, but would that advance her desire to be seen as worthy of promotion?  What other choices did she have and what was she willing to do? What was most important?

As you can imagine, emotions around value, self-worth, self-confidence and respect were prevalent.  How does one assess their value?  Does it come from us or from people external to us?  And, what power are we willing to relinquish and to what impact?

I found myself feeling great after our conversation, believing that the client had insights that may serve her well in reaching her goals.  Within 24 hours, the client took action that I found myself questioning.  As I wrestled with what to do/ say about this, I paused and thought about the coaching relationship.  My role is not to judge.  The client's success or failure is not about ME... what I would do in any situation is about ME and not my client. 

 My role as coach, is to be aware of my own reactions and judgments, and put that aside.  As a coach, I enter a dialogue with my client around what prompted her to act, and how it has advanced or interfered with her vision of success.  My role is not to be right or wrong... nor to hold that judgment up to my client.  My role is to be a mirror reflecting back to my client my observations of her behavior, and the impact the behavior has had on her success.  Knowing that she is infinitely wise and capable, I know she will find her way.

There are few other relationships I know of where that level of acceptance, belief, and validation exist.  The safety created in an attitude of "non-judgment" is palpable and makes ALL the difference.  The only other relationship I know of that holds that safety is our relationship with our four-legged friends.  They don't care what mood we're in; whether we did something that could be perceived as "stupid;" they don't care that we ignored them or forgot their 5pm feeding and are late.  All they care about is that we are there for them; take care of their basic needs, and spend a few moments sharing in their unconditional love.  I could do much worse than using my feline companions as models for how I wish to BE with my clients!  Perhaps I should start asking my clients: "Are you purring??"

As always, I welcome your thoughts and insights!